Setting: The bar at St. Dymphna’s*
Dramatis personae: Two drunk Irishmen, one lovely Portuguese-speaking bartender

Drunk Irishman One: Speaking to Bartender. You’re luurrrrvely.
Bartender: Thank you.
Drunk Irishman One: You should win an award for best Guiness-pourer.
Bartender: …
Drunk Irishman Two: You know, there’s only two emotions in the whole world.
Bartender: Is that so.
Drunk Irishman Two: It’s true. Know what they are? Scribbles on cocktail napkin, slides it over for her to inspect. Fear and love!
Bartender: Fear and love. And those are the only two.
Drunk Irishman Two: Indeed.
Drunk Irishman One: Wait! What about hunger?

*You’ll all be pleased to know, I’m sure, that I’ve suspended my four-year boycott of St. Dymphna’s, as the Queen of the Underworld no longer works there and I was getting tired of submitting scathing reviews to and calling the INS on one particular undocumented Irish waitress.
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