splash
Hi there.
I'm so glad you could stop by. Be a dear and get me a drink, will you?
Posted By D.E. on February 22nd, 2010

Sometimes–and only sometimes–part of me wants to pick up and move down to Florida* so that I can see my extended family and inlaws more often. I learned a couple years ago that I actually like my family. (My mother’s family.) I grew up not seeing much of them. And now that my father’s side of the family has stopped inviting me to family gatherings,** I have nothing keeping me up here.

And I like my inlaws. In fact, I’m currently penning a how-to book called How to Renovate Your House on the Cheap by Enslaving Your Elderly Parents.

On the other hand, though, that would severely curtail My Alone Time, which mostly consists of drinking bourbon, eating peanut butter out of the jar with my hands, reading Metafilter, and listening to the music that N can’t stand. And sometimes it’s music that no self-respecting musophile would admit to enjoying, under pain of death even. Like post-Gabriel Genesis. Or Josh Turner (whom NPR seems to like, so maybe he’s not totally uncool)(that was said in half-seriousness). Or the Dead.

Or post-Toys in the Attic Aerosmith. Very post-.

Twenty years ago, when I was in high school (and oh my god I can’t believe I just typed that), I got mono. I started coming down with it the week of spring break, but I didn’t want to tell my parents that I was running a fever and feeling a bit delirious and tired, because I had plans to play tennis*** with this cute boy from school and I was not about to be stopped.

So, the Monday school resumed, my mother found me standing in the shower, dry, staring numbly at the hot/cold water knobs and unable to figure out what the next step was. The doctor confirmed it and thus began my month of quarantine.

As much as I like to be alone, I can’t say that I enjoyed this month, because I also had an almost unbearable–and tenacious–case of strep throat. Seriously, it was bad. It was so bad that for the first time in my young life, food held no appeal, and I couldn’t taste anything. My parents made me milkshakes every day, which I refused. Milkshakes.

MILKSHAKES!

I lost about 15 pounds, which actually put me at a healthy weight. (When I returned to school, people would stop me and ask what happened, and I told them I’d been away at an unwed mothers home.)

The school sent a tutor every week to bring me homework assignments and give me tests and whatnot. I finished everything within an hour. Public school is a joke.

This meant that I spent most of my time watching MTV. You might not remember this, but 1990 was not a great year for popular music. As such, in my febrile state, I watched an unchanging and fairly small rotation of videos. Of them all, Nothing Compares 2 U was the most tolerable, but then there was also Adam Ant’s pathetic comeback attempt, Room at the Top. Also, we had Onion Skin, by Boom Crash Opera, a band so mind-blowingly awful and improbably popular that I have to assume they made a pact with the devil. And then, of course, there was “Hold On,” by Wilson Phillips (which, by the way, was the number one song of 1990), who had not sold their souls to the devil in exchange for fame–they were actually his henchmen and I will not be linking to their video.

Finally, though, there was a song that somehow resonated with me, as bad as it is. To this day, I really, really love it. I even bought the mp3 from Amazon last year.

Aerosmith, “What It Takes”

So when I am alone, I listen to this song. Really, it’s not so bad. A sad accordion song will do it for me every time.

*Other times, I want to pick up and move due to the fact that we do, in fact, own a house there now, and also to the fact that the weather in NYC is ready to kill me right now.
**I can’t imagine why, though I suspect I should blame Obama. I miss the Struffoli but not a lot else.
***All these odd revelations about me today! I think that was probably the last time I picked up a tennis racket, by the way. I should be glad my spleen didn’t explode.
 

Archive for October, 2005

The trick is deceitful above all things

Posted By D.E. on October 10th, 2005

This week’s New York magazine features an article by Stephen Beachy that attempts to unmask the hoax that is JT LeRoy–and does a pretty good job at it.

It blows my mind–and I’ve said this before, 18 different ways–that even though “JT LeRoy” possesses all the earmarks of a hoax, “his” legions of fans remain loyal.

It almost seems as though JT’s outlandish and incredible persona and history actually encourage a willful suspension of disbelief among “his” staunchest defenders–several of whom are writers and celebrities. I mean, who would make this up? Beachy writes:

It seems LeRoy himself is keenly aware of the implausibility of some of his claims and in interviews goes to some pains to explain, for instance, how he picked up his literary tastes from his Polk Street johns. He explains how he was given a fax machine by a trick and how he managed to send faxes from public restrooms—the rare restrooms where junkies fix but that also have phone jacks hidden in the corners. His defenders have sometimes suggested that it is simply the inability to accept the disturbing truth of his stories that prompted some to call him a hoax, but there are other reasons. Apparently, along with his multiple personalities, the disfiguring Kaposi’s sarcoma he’d used as an excuse to stay hidden cleared up, and he stopped mentioning his HIV infection. And in both his interviews and his books he seems always to be suggesting that nothing he says should be believed.

Even Warren St. John–who is, in his defense, dumber than a box of hair–seemed to fall for it hook, line, and sinker in last fall’s profile in the Styles section of the Times. I’d love to know what his factchecker did with that one.

In addition to LeRoy’s aforementioned contradictions, there’s also this: Not only does the LeRoy everyone has spoken with on the phone not sound a damn thing like the LeRoy who makes rare public appearances, judging by photographic evidence, the in-person LeRoy appears impossibly, physically different than “he” has in the past.

LeRoy’s voice is pretty strange in and of itself. Listen to it here. It’s awfully high-pitched to be a young man’s voice and moreover (as Beachy points out) the Southern accent is clearly fake. (Not to mention, if you’re at all familiar with evangelical Christianity, LeRoy’s descriptions of “his” fundamentalist grandparents’ Bible lessons should ring pretty false–blasphemous, even.)

In the photos that accompany the second page of the article, note how different the “Wigs and Sunglasses” photos are. And then look at the photo of Laura Albert on the first page. Kinda looks like the person in the 2002 photo, dunnit? Who is she, anyhow?

Beachy’s chief revelation is his disconcerting discovery that everywhere JT goes, the mysterious and annoying Laura Albert follows. Albert, who has gone by a number of assumed identities, appears to be the nexus of every personality quirk, timeline fallacy, and impossible-to-prove-or-disprove mystery surrounding JT’s background. Without recapping the entire article, I’ll merely say: There’s a mountain of evidence that she is, in fact, JT–and her mother and sister appear to be in on the ruse as well.

So why has the unraveling of the JT LeRoy hoax taken so damned long? Because, like Fox Mulder, people Want to Believe. Even Beachy warmed up to “LeRoy”:

JT espoused values I agreed with and effectively made me question my own investment in writing this story. S/he spoke about metaphorical truth, about purity of intent, and of a commitment to writing. I heard Geoffrey in the background, telling whomever was on the phone that they had to leave for an appointment. But JT kept talking. S/he seemed to be both justifying the performance and asking not to be exposed. S/he discussed the rumors s/he’d spread about fathering Asia Argento’s baby and how angry that had made some fans. But it was a metaphorical truth, s/he said, in terms of the movie Argento made of his book, and JT wondered where was the harm?

Where’s the harm, indeed? Couldn’t “LeRoy” the persona be an extension of the folklore “he” writes? But that’s disingenuous. For the parties involved, it’s a bit like monkeyfishing–Laura Albert deceived a number of people and used them to gain notoriety. And what’s funny (and telling) is that “LeRoy”’s writing, while clever, isn’t exceptional. In fact, if anyone other than a 15-y-o hustler had written it, it wouldn’t make it past a Riverhead intern’s slushpile. (The same goes for Anthony Godby Johnson.) But everyone wants to believe the worst about humanity–look at A Child Called It, the McMartin Preschool scandal, and even the supposed hordes of babyrapers at the Superdome–because it feeds our voyeuristic need for titillation but allows us to feign disgust, moral outrage.

Also, while JT LeRoy might seem mysterious, “he” also possesses a childlike openness and seems genuinely likeable. Readers want LeRoy to exist, because they imagine that “he”’s someone they’d befriend if they ever met him. And because readers will never truly know “him”–which is abundantly clear–they will never be disappointed. For someone like Laura Albert–a failed writer, an untalented musician, a mediocre individual with delusions of grandeur–JT LeRoy might be her single greatest achievement.

Further reading on the JT LeRoy hoax here.