My new favorite person in the world, Elissa Bassist, has given the loveliest Christmas gift: She calls me one of the funniest women alive, but–not unlike the year my dad gave me that Rolls–I really doubt that I’ll ever be able to prove myself worthy of it. She relates to my unfulfilled need for traditional love and marriage, which the National Review was so kind to point out–if only it weren’t 16 years too late!

Yes, my whole problem with finding liberating commitment-free sex, is all the harboring I’m doing. Rasso and I have so much in common. I often repair to men’s rooms for weeks and allow them to scratch me until I muster the courage to ask if all of this means we’re officially monogamously en route to love, marriage, and children.

Anyhow, many thanks to Elissa Bassist and the Rumpus for saying such awfully nice things about me. If only they were true!

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