I wasn’t actually going to post about this brain trust examination of the “Sociological Investigation of the Hipster.”* Because really, who cares? I mean, I care enough to off-handedly dismiss it and all its nonacademic panelists as a covey of dipshits-qua-dipshits. But it’s impossible for me to pick out the comments or conclusions I take issue with most because I hate them all equally. After I read this article, there was almost not enough hate left in my heart for me to continue with my workaday hate. Also, my friend Tom put it better than I could:

Is it just me, or is this entire panel a waste of time/energy/thought on par with taking a cat to visit Santa or giving 18 year-olds the right to vote? How can hipsters be “the latest youth movement in the tradition of greasers, rappers, mods, hippies, punks” if no one would ever claim to be one? It’s something you call someone else, not something you purport to be. Unless you’re being ironic, in which case you probably ARE a hipster, but then you’re trapped in an asshole infinite regress, so the point is moot.

Thank you, Tom. I can now go back to hating all the things I usually hate. And McInnes and Lin can go back to merely being two of those things instead of being the situational Bob Grant and Chance of hipsterdom.

APPLAUSE.

Cranial Abuse, Blinded By Hate**

*What, no “Hipster-qua-Hipster”? Who vetoed that?
**Sidenote that runs longer than the post itself: This was an Albany (well, technically Troy-Core) band from the late 80s that later became Stigmata (who we referred to as “Stinkmetal,” because they did stink, and were way too metal for our tastes, but listening to this track now, it’s not 100 percent awful). “Troy-Core” was our shibboleth, but in fact was a term embraced wholeheartedly by its adherents, who enjoyed “absolutely abysmal speed-metal influenced hardcore with sloppy slow drumming and vocals that scream ‘thug'” and moshed with cretinous glee whenever fucking Leeway came to town. Come to think of it, I believe Troy-Core had its own special, especially violent version of moshpit behavior. God I hate hardcore. Why did I go to so many shows? Oh that’s right — there was nothing else to do.

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